Hi tide, large swells, strong wind, and shoreline sprays on Maui
Presently the Earth, Moon, and Sun are approaching alignment where the Sun and the Moon together pull Earth’s oceans toward them. Already the mid-day tides are high. Combined with intense wind and ocean energy, the surf is impressive here on Maui. Tuesday we hiked to our favorite outcropping of ancient lava called Dragons Teeth near Kapalua on the north-west shore. Huge ocean swells and waves pound the ragged rocks and in anger as it were burst high into the sky dispersed by the wind into expanding spray which pours out along the shore. We observed the scene as close as we felt safe. It’s among Earth’s awe-inspiring recitals where man’s influence seems small to the power being displayed. Later in the day, as the Earth turns on the wings of God’s power, the ocean bulge recedes to a lower tide. If the winds are calm then the seas are calm and the shore rests from its prior labor, for a time.
Like the calming of the angry sea’s from high to low energy, as service missionaries we meet persons who have lived lives of great energy, even anger who, when they turn themselves to God, God changes their heart and turns them away from the pull to a life more filled with joy and peace. The Gospel of Jesus Christ brings peace, peace from addiction, peace from heartache, peace from sickness, peace from all winds of turmoil that face us today.
This past Sunday we had the blessing of attending two Sacrament meetings here in Kahului. We worshipped with the Waiehu Ward and the Young Single Adult (YSA) ward where we spoke about the Savior as our Advocate with the Father, and sang a special musical number, “My Shepherd will supply My Need.” We met two YSA’s who are recent converts to the Church. We pray that the YSA’s will feel and be blessed by the Lord. After the meeting we were greeted by several couples from our home town area in Utah, one of them is related to a member of our ward. (See photo)
Monday our Addiction Recovery Program (ARP) support meeting was on Step 10 – Continue to take personal inventory and when we are wrong, promptly admit it. Some of the message points are:
Honest self-appraisal opens Christ’s redeeming power
Allow the Lord to change our thoughts, feelings and heart, then
Behavior will change
Focus on the Saviors grace
There is power in repentance or turning
Spiritually prepare for each day
Watch our thoughts, words, and deeds
Humility and self-control
Be patient…
After our ARP meeting on Monday we had the privilege of getting to know our stake president and his family better. We had a musical Family Home Evening (FHE) with song, prayer, more music, messages, cookies, and hot chocolate. We had the opportunity to share our testimonies about the song messages. They were gracious. It was a special evening.
We spent this last week at home in Utah for personal business, doctor appointments, temple sessions, and time with family. While there we were able to help our son Mike and his family relocate from Santaquin to Eagle Mountain. We had several gatherings with other family members and celebrated Halloween, Melanie’s birthday (see Olive Garden picture) and our 45th Wedding anniversary (see picture of music video) with them. Being late fall, we enjoyed gathering up and bagging the golden leaves (picture). Mom lost her wedding ring in the leaves, so we thought. We prayed, and were led to find it in one of the fingers of her gardening glove. Just before returning to Maui we were able to spend a couple hours with our daughter Lisa from Alaska, whom we haven’t seen for a year.
While away we continued to do what we could to further our service on Maui. We conducted our weekly Addiction Recovery Program (ARP) Meeting by Zoom, compiled some helpful information for ARP participants to find additional support, and coordinated a few speaking assignments in various wards on Maui. We continue planning for our 2026 Maui ward youth handcart trek. We are very grateful for our Sunday School president who substituted teaching our youth Sunday School class, and for senior missionary Elder Taylor who substituted for us at the in-person ARP meeting. Not to forget Elder and Sister Marriott who take us to and from the airport each time we travel.
We are glad to be back on Maui. We have come to love and feel loved by our friends here. Our Kahului 1stWard Newsletter editor asked us to compose a message about our work as service missionaries. The following is the result of that request.
“Simon Peter walked on the water; even if but for a moment.” We spoke these words one night at the Addiction Recovery Program (ARP), called Healing through the Savior. Each participant had just shared some setbacks, hopes and successes regarding their addictions. At the end we bore our testimony that Jesus knows and understands through his Atonement (Alma 7:11-13). “Jesus honors efforts of faith;” we said, “even if we stumble.” Like Peter, a miracle happened as he walked on the water; even if but for a moment.” Earlier, Joan and I had visited Maui’s sacred Iao Valley and ascended to the needle viewpoint. I asked Joan, “What is your favorite New Testament scene?” She replied, “Jesus walking on the water.” I tapped my phone and opened to Mathew 14 and we quietly read the story. “The ship was now in the midst of the sea, tossed with the waves: for the wind was contrary…Jesus went unto them, walking on the sea…Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water. And he said, Come. And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water…” When he sank, Jesus did not give up on Peter; both of them were well aware of the dangers of the sea, but Jesus honored his effort and momentary success, “And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him…” At Iao, we walked down the many steps to the river where we waded out into the water, sat on a large boulder, reflecting and sensing truth. To our friends in addiction recovery we testified of our Lords honoring of our attempts at faith and as we call on Him, will save us when we fall.
Our hearts are broken when we hear of broken lives, and broken relationships. Addiction or other compulsive behaviors seems to break everything that is good. As Service Missionary Group Leaders, we have conducted support meetings on Maui for about six months. We also conduct a weekly remote session by Zoom for participants on Maui, Moloka’i, and Lana’i. We have learned much on how to conduct these meetings and how to provide love and support to those with compulsive or addictive behaviors. With the Savior in our hearts, compassion comes naturally.
Since these meetings are anonymous and confidential, we don’t take roll but they speak by first names. As we read and discuss the 12 steps of recovery we sense a measure of their pain followed by the hope they feel as they seek Healing through the Savior. Their observations about Gospel principles are often profound. Their sharing can be heartbreaking, and we are anxious for their success in recovery. They plead for help. Sister Hardman and I invite all of you to pray for us and for the people we serve. Pray that each will find grace and power in Christ and make progress. The work blesses Sister Hardman and me, our relationship and even our family.
Jesus came with healing in His wings and is mighty to save. He lives to bless us with His love. In Addiction Recovery meetings all find hope, help and healing, even those whose hearts break for their loved-ones. In Healing through the Savior, we find Him.
As Group Leaders, Sister Hardman and I have conducted Addiction Recovery Program (ARP) meetings on Maui Hawaii for about six months. We also conduct a weekly remote session by Zoom for participants on Maui, Moloka’i, and Lana’i, and anyone else across Hawaii that may want to attend. We participate in ongoing training and coordination with our counterparts in other parts of the country. We have learned much on how to conduct these meetings and how to provide love and support to those with compulsive or addictive behaviors. With the Savior in our hearts, compassion comes naturally.
We’ve met over two dozen people who have come to our meetings; some once or twice, some for a month or two, and some more continuously. Since these meetings are anonymous and confidential, we don’t take roll but we get to know them by their first names. As we read and discuss the 12 steps of recovery we sense a measure of their pain followed by the hope they feel as they seek Healing through the Savior. Their observations about Gospel principles are often profound. Their sharing about their experiences are heartbreaking, and we are anxious for their hope and success in recovery. Some find it difficult to find helpful and appropriate individual support. They plead for help.
Why are we sharing this with our friends and family? To encourage you to consider providing support to anyone you may know struggling with compulsive or addictive behaviors and is striving to recover. Presently we have several who attend faithfully. However, they often feel isolated and wonder where to turn for individual help. We read in the guide book that “Support from others is important to help us find recovery and healing. Having someone we can turn to in times of weakness often proves to be essential… It is easy to fall back into these behaviors without the support and perspective of others. Connecting with others not only provides the encouragement we may need but also helps us remember that we are worthy of love as children of God.” You can imagine that this last point is so poignant and powerful; to receive love from others when one doesn’t feel worthy of love! What a consequential way to minister!
In the guidebook, participants are encouraged to benefit from the following sources of support:
Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost
Family Members
Friends
Ecclesiastical leaders
Sponsors
Recovery meetings, and
Mental health and medical professionals.
Again, we invite each reader of this letter to consider making yourself available to persons in need of support. Learn about the program and how to support others at https://addictionrecovery.churchofjesuschrist.org.
(From the list above, “Sponsors are people who have found recovery by working through the 12 steps. Because of their experience, they know how to help…” In the Church’s program, sponsors are not assigned. Asking for help is a personal decision of prayerfully considering trustworthy people who they feel comfortable with or would be most helpful.) https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/addiction-recovery-program-2023/17-appendix-support?lang=eng)
On Sunday, we attended our stake conference, enjoyed Zoom visits with our family, then we met by Zoom for the coordination meeting with our Hawaii Family Services ARP manager and other Group Leaders. They serve across the Hawaiian Islands and like us, come from across the country. We feel blessed to associate with these wonderful service missionaries who give of their time and hearts to provide compassion and support to those in need. May we encourage our readers, especially seniors to consider any kind of service mission.
Other activities – For physical exercise and fresh air, Sister Hardman and I regularly walk the beach. For emotional health we continue to visit parts of the island, meet people, and serve in our local ward as youth Sunday School teachers. For spiritual health we read scriptures and other inspiring works including General Conference talks, BYU Devotionals, and church publications.
A great communications case study – We also enjoy reading local church history; specifically, “George Q. Cannon, Hawaiian Missions.” This week we read a journal entry that we recommend, dealing with hurt feelings and misunderstandings among friends, companions, or in this case fellow missionaries. We are certain all can relate to their experience.
Monday, 6 September, 1852. “…While eating breakfast Bro. Hawkins made some remarks about the field that he had been appointed to preside over and said he felt it to be a large one and he would like it if someone could take charge of Kula branch if they felt like it &c. &c. Bro. Hammond,” agreed and said, “that the way things had been going on was not calculated to do well, no one having a settled place, but first one preaching at one time at a place and then another following and preaching at that same place, & the first leaving things partly settled thinking that the one following would attend to it…” Elder Cannon asked how it could be avoided and referred to their previous council meeting where, “we had taken measures to prevent confusion of this kind… There were several remarks and replies made backward and forward and considerable feeling manifested…” Allusions, insinuations and assumptions of partiality heated the conversation. “…I then arose and told my feelings…and disclaimed all thought of doing as he said I had done in regard to favoring some to the prejudice of others &c. &c. And I wished him to state in what respect I had done this and what his reasons were for making the remarks he had.”
The group conversed back and forth at length retracing the interactions that caused the feelings. Some had questioned the authority of others. Some had felt slighted from others. Mistakes were acknowledged and apologies were given for unintended expressions or snubbing, and rational decisions were made.
One “had felt that he was treading on toes and therefore he had made the remark ‘that he was only a passenger on board the Ship.’ These things had grieved him because he thought there was a disposition to keep him back especially when he thought that he had made sacrifices as well as his brethren [and] that he had done all he could do. I arose and attempted to speak but could not as my feelings were so much wrought up that I could not express my feelings… I never, to my remembrance, in my life experienced such feelings, they were exquisite and I felt cut down to think that Bro. H. [Hammond] & I had mingled together and I had unbosomed myself to him time and again and yet all this time he had these feelings against me and had hinted to me and I had been so dull that I did not understand—these thoughts oppressed me and it was in vain that I tried to express them for a while…I prayed to the Lord to calm my feelings by His Spirit and I did experience a calm…the storm had passed and the gush of feeling had subsided and I felt that it would all come out right. I arose and spoke and was enabled to tell my feelings and I had the spirit—I reminded Bro. H. that…I merely told my feelings at that time without the least design to retard him in any particular…”
“We had a good deal of talk and laid our feelings open one to the other and settled it all satisfactorily to all parties…I thought this worthy of note that I might be reminded to ascertain at all times the feelings of the brethren and to cultivate at all times a spirit of candor that we might have no misunderstandings.”(https://www.churchhistorianspress.org/george-q-cannon/1850s/1852/09-1852)
“Daddy, let’s talk about!” When our older children were very young, this is what they would say each night before we’d pray. “Okay,” I responded, wanting to forever encourage open family conversation. “What do you want to talk about?” With raised hands and eyebrows they would exclaim, “What we did today!”
At the end of this letter there is a link to my brand-new song or lullaby, called “Talk About.” I sincerely hope you enjoy it. In the meantime, what shall we talk about in this letter?
We could talk about the wonderful new First Presidency announcement last Tuesday and the blessings that have and will come to individuals, families, the Church and the world under their inspired direction. We could talk about the Addiction Recovery Program (ARP) correlation meeting we attended, or the pleasant swim Joan and I took snorkeling in the gentle waves of Keawakapu Beach in Kihei on Wednesday. We could talk about the deeply sensitive ARP meetings we conducted on Thursday and Monday and the touching spirit we felt lifting the brokenhearted as they look to the Savior for help. We could talk about the inspiring stake fireside on Friday where Elder Takashi Wada, General Authority Seventy, spoke deeply about scripture study and the Book of Mormon. We could talk about our Saturday trip to Kapalua and our walk along the D.T. Fleming Beach as waves of sunshine and heavy rain took turns giving life to the ocean and island. We could talk about the pleasant Saturday evening ministering visit to our new ward friends, Tom and Pat Miyamoto learning about their family and their life-long faith. We performed several songs for them that night including ‘Talk About.’ We could talk about our non-member friend Nick who showed up at Sacrament meeting on Sunday and sat with us as we worshipped and listened to the Stake President speak boldly, genuinely and spiritually about the Gospel of Jesus Christ. We could talk about teaching our beautiful youth Sunday School class, “Arise and shine forth that thy light may be a standard for the nations…” (D&C 115:5) (or the long line of kids after Sunday School for Joan’s cherry cheese cupcakes and brownies!)…
But here’s what I’d really like to talk about!
Life has worn me down a bit and Joan thoughtfully and thankfully reminds me that I don’t smile as much as I did when we first met. I am also too quiet at times. As a young missionary my theme scripture was, “A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance: but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken.” (Proverbs 15:13) Back then, I reminded my fellow missionaries every day to ‘keep smiling.’ I love my family and the light of the Gospel of Jesus Christ so very much. But I need to do better, amidst life’s difficulties, “[arising and shining forth (with a genuine smile) that Christ’s light] may be a standard for the nations…” The joy I feel is deep. But the spirit often prompts me that this joy needs to surface and be visible in my countenance.
Often while walking along these beautiful Maui beaches I am captivated with the sand, its swirling and tumbling motion in the waves, its composite shape along the shore, its individual grain size and colors, and it’s infinite quantity. I’m deeply impressed with the Earth, the heavens, and all of God’s creations, “innumerable as the stars; or, if ye were to count the sand upon the seashore ye could not number them.” (D&C 132:30). Of course in this and similar verses God is speaking of the Abrahamic promise “of his loins…which were to continue so long as they were in the world; and…out of the world…should continue as innumerable as the stars…” Sinking my feet in the sand I reflect on the infinite nature of this promise and yet how personal and intimate God’s relationship is with each of his children. “How many grains of sand are there in that circle,” I asked Joan while swirling my arm in a circular manner down toward the sand? (Joan knows when my engineering mind is probing the universe; her father Ferril Losee was the same way.) “I know the doctrines” I said to Joan, “so why is it so hard to have faith, Godlike faith, for the welfare of people we love?” She listened kindly, and then encouraged me to keep talking. All of a sudden, I just started talking and kept talking as we walked. Joan engaged as well. The spirit moved the conversation to hope, and then to faith, and then to charity and the relationship between these three principles. “I need to have more faith in Heavenly Fathers Plan, especially when I feel down or low for the welfare of someone we love, or the people we serve in the addiction recovery program. Then some familiar scriptures hit me.
“Behold, I will show unto the Gentiles their weakness,…that faith, hope and charity bringeth unto me—the fountain of all righteousness…” “…except men shall have charity they cannot inherit that place…in the mansions of thy Father…” (Ether 12:28, 34)
“…and if a man be meek and lowly in heart, and confesses by the power of the Holy Ghost that Jesus is the Christ, he must needs have charity; for if he have not charity he is nothing…” (Moroni 7:44)
“And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoices in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things…
“Charity never faileth…Cleave unto charity…Charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever…Pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love…” (Moroni 7:45-48)
I’ve always thought my faith to be strong. But the spirit tells me that my hope and my charity, even Christlike love needs a lot of purifying (like the sand) and that I need to ‘talk about’ more intently, sincerely, and purposely with my Father for this love. I suppose that the very things that have ‘worn’ on me over the years are also the very things that can refine me and help me be filled with this love. I’m ready to keep trying.
Thanks for listening. Now, “What do you want to talk about?” Please feel free to reply. In the meantime, please enjoy my new song, “Talk About.”
Serving requires compassion and emotional resilience, either because of our own shortcomings, or because of heartbreak in the lives of those we serve in the Addiction Recovery Program (ARP). I’m trying to learn more each week to find peace in the Lords way, “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” (John 14:27)
We had the blessing of attending Zone Conference this past week with the full-time missionaries. Although not officially part of the full-time mission, we felt welcomed and loved. We cross paths with them regularly as they often have friends (investigators) that need support in the ARP. The full-time missionary senior couples in particular have adopted us, befriended us, and encouraged and supported us ever since we arrived six months ago. They invited us as usual to their senior couple dinner the night before Zone Conference, and then encouraged us to attend. We are part time service missionaries serving under the direction of our local stake president, so we felt a little out of place but they treated us as part of the mission. (See Zone Conference photo)
We are not the only ones who need faith in times of fear. We listened carefully as the Mission Leaders taught important principles to the missionaries. My notes included:
President Anderson
“Fear does not come from God…”
“It is hard to be truly humble so He humbles us…”
“Hundreds of miracles are happening all over the mission…”
“How have I seen Gods hand in my life today? Write it in your journal.”
Sister Anderson
“Avoid comparing ourselves with others. We are miserable when we do…”
“Emulate with charity…take the good of others…”
“Let God prevail in your life.”
This Zone Conference experience brought back memories from the mission of my youth forty-five years ago in California. At that time I remember not only my interest in sharing the gospel, but my heart-felt interest in the missionaries, their spiritual and emotional success. As an assistant to the president those many years ago, I felt a strong desire to teach, encourage, and love my fellow missionaries and leaders. We felt that great spirit of unity, purpose, and love this past week with the full-time missionaries. Our participation concluded with a group photo and lunch.
Sister Hardman and I now conduct two ARP support meetings each week. One of the meetings is in-person with participants at our local stake center high-council room. The other is by Zoom so that people from distant locations can participate including Hana, Molokai, and Lana’i. Participation varies from a few to a dozen each week. Per policy and instructions, what is shared by participants during the meeting is not discussed outside the meeting to encourage helpful sharing between them. However, we encourage everyone to be aware of the program and its blessings. To do so, you may want to watch or listen to one or more recorded ARP meetings which exist to support persons who can’t attend or who haven’t felt the need or courage yet to attend. Here are a few places you can go to see what it’s all about.
The last one in the list, the “Coming Back” Podcast, is not an official church production, but on a recent scenic drive to Hana, Joan and I felt heartbreak for what this individual went through in part due to addictions. We were grateful to learn of the many miracles experienced by him and his family. It gave us hope for the people that we meet every week in our service. We also found renewal in socializing with some adult couples in the Kihei Ward.
As members of the church, we have been friendshipping a neighbor family. They are kind and love to speak about Jesus Christ. One is a member and the other two are not. The member hasn’t been attending for several years but they all express interest in coming to church again. We had previously introduced them to the missionaries and on Saturday the missionaries invited us to visit with them together. We listened at length while the inactive brother shared his love of God and Christ but also shared many pains and disappointments he was carrying in his heart. After some time we asked if we could read scriptures with him. He said, “How about right now.” We found a somewhat private place in the apartment common area and each of us shared a favorite Book of Mormon scripture. Knowing of the wrestle this brother was having, when it was my turn I chose Enos who wrestled with the Lord and later after much prayer found peace and healing. “Enos, thy sins are forgiven thee, and thou shalt be blessed. And I, Enos, knew that God could not lie; wherefore, my guilt was swept away. And I said: Lord, how is it done? And he said unto me: Because of thy faith in Christ… wherefore, go to, thy faith hath made thee whole.” (Enos 1:5-8)
After we all shared a scripture we each bore testimony to him of the truth of the Gospel and of God’s love for us and for him. We felt the Lords spirit there and were grateful to be a part of that meeting.
On Sunday, as directed by our stake president we attended two wards for sacrament meeting and to make brief announcements in Priesthood and Relief Society regarding the ARP. “I enjoyed the ward-hopping,” Sister Hardman said. We then enjoyed a Zoom call with our children and grand-children.
This is personal! Perhaps it is more appropriate for a private journal. But, being vulnerable might help me overcome a weakness I’ve fought for years; a weakness that puts a strain on my most cherished relationships, and my discipleship. Perhaps these thoughts will help others in this world of back-and-forth assertions with little respect and self-evaluation. The short coming is, “I’m too impatient and judgmental with others when I feel mis-understood or brushed-off.” I’ve tried a lot to stop doing it, but long-term persistence of this un-Christ-like behavior makes me believe that I can’t truly change without God’s help. This is especially true, “in a world filled with dizzying distractions.” President Russell M. Nelson proclaimed, “Now is the time for us to make our discipleship our highest priority.” (Nelson, The Lord Jesus Christ Will Come Again, General Conference, October 2024)
In our service missionary calling we commit to confidentiality as addicts share with us their challenges and progress ‘working the steps’ of recovery. They come seeking support. I cannot share their stories with you. However, since my non-chemical shortcoming is mine, I can share my story with you in hopes that sharing will help in my recovery. In Step 1 of “Healing through the Savior – 12 Step Addiction Recovery Program (ARP),” the addicts we work with “admit that we, of ourselves, are powerless to overcome our addictions and that our lives have become unmanageable.” ARP Steps one through three emphasize faith, humility and trust in God. The other steps dig into self-inventory, honesty, turning our shortcomings over to God, and restitution followed by service to others.
In conversation with our Honolulu Family Services manager, I discussed my desire to apply the 12 steps to my own shortcomings. He recommended another church publication called, “Finding Strength in the Lord – Emotional Resilience.” I acquired a copy then Joan and I started studying it together. While working through the early sections I thought, “Yes!” with a mental fist-pump. “This may be more applicable to what I’m struggling with.” We read about faith centered in Jesus Christ, activities that strengthen faith, and adapting to emotional challenges…” And then a grin of hope re-shaped my face and heart when I read this applicable statement by Elder David A. Bednar. “To believe that someone or something can make us feel offended, angry, hurt, or bitter diminishes our moral agency and transforms us into objects to be acted upon…” (David A. Bednar, “And Nothing Shall Offed Them,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2006, 90)
My eyebrows raised when we got to the ‘Triggers’ section. “Yes,” I thought. “I need to understand the triggers of my emotional reactions.” As an engineer I know all about control systems and how specific system behavior is governed by what is within the system as well as the external environments, inputs and triggers to the system. This ‘triggered’ my attention (pun intended) and I went to work, breaking it down as instructed in the manual while continually “[looking] unto [God] in every thought,” (D&C 6:36) and remembering that “the worth of souls (my soul, and everyone else) is great in the sight of God.” (D&C 18:10).
From a list of common inaccurate thinking patterns I circled two that I thought might be at the root of my problem:
Jumping to Conclusions (e.g. assuming the worst intentions by the person), and
Discounting the positive (e.g. focusing on this moment, forgetting all the good things the person has done for me)
Then, in response to the question, “Why do we sometimes think these ways?” I wrote: To excuse, justify, beat-up, or protect myself, and blame others. These are emotional feelings and allowed me to further clarify my weakness as follows. When I am in conversation and express myself, if the other person responds or acts in an unexpected way I pridefully tend to feel ignored, un-appreciated, brushed-off, discounted, or mis-understood. I feel judgmental, offended, blaming and angry followed by a secondary reaction of self-criticism, thinking “I didn’t explain myself very well.” I then tend to snap-back and the relationship suffers.
The manual then presents this step. “After you identify your inaccurate thinking patterns, the next step is to try and change them to more accurate, truthful thoughts. You can invite the Savior’s influence by challenging your thoughts and asking whether they are true.” For example: Is this thought something the Savior would want me to think or feel? Is the person really ignoring me or discounting what I’m saying? Is the person really brushing me off? Is the person truthfully uncaring about what I said? Considering all I know about this person, does it make sense that they would deliberately respond unfavorably? What do I know about myself and them that tells me my thinking about them in this moment is not correct?
The Spirit directed me to a recent Come, Follow Me lesson. I remembered how the Lord chastened his people when they were not following his direction. He said, “whom I love I also chasten… [and] I prepare a way for their deliverance…” (D&C 95:1) I re-read this section of scripture and based on the Lords actions I compiled a list of personal actions to help me overcome my weakness.
Be patient and clear explaining what I say, giving a little more background and purpose,
Be patient in listening and reaction, responding slower and with clarity, assuming the person cares even when their response seems otherwise,
Be patient, listen more than speak.
I note the glaring repetition of, “Be patient” in this counsel. Following instructions, I re-evaluated my “feeling mis-understood” emotional triggers in the table below where I contrasted thinking errors with more accurate and productive thoughts. My next step? Having more faith with action, remembering the worth of all, and patiently waiting on the Lord in all my communications. I’m humbly praying for success. Thanks for listening.
While Joan and I have been serving on Maui, my brother Bob Hardman has been busy in retirement driving buses, refereeing soccer, and researching genealogy. During the latter he came across a ‘green temple’ symbol attached to a near relative. For those familiar (or unfamiliar) with FamilySearch.org, this means that the associated person or couple might have some unfinished temple work to be done. The couple is our mothers youngest sister and her husband, our Aunt Dee and Uncle Hal Reddick. When we were young we often visited and played with their children, our cousins. We didn’t have a lot of contact in our adult years. After more research on Hals ancestors, Bob contacted the oldest daughter Karen who confirmed that Dee and Hal had not been to the temple during life and she “was thrilled at the thought of her cousins doing her ancestors and parents temple work. We have her permission,” Bob said in a text to my siblings. After more discussion, plans were made for each of us to do specific ordinances in our local temples where our family members are living or serving missions (Orem, Buenos Ares, Hawaii, Idaho Falls, and Phoenix). After ordinances were performed in the Idaho Falls Temple, those who travelled there met with Karen afterwards. Bob reported, “The six of us visited just like close family… We shared old times and recent times. A closeness was felt, and some emotion shared. Karen seemed to be emotionally overjoyed that her parents work is getting done…” Spiritual experiences were reported by those doing the temple work, and by Karen. She reported to the family on our Griffin Facebook page, “I want to thank our cousins… It means SO much to me for all they are doing and to take the time to care. I am so sure that Mom and Dad are happy and that Grandma Griffin is even more pleased. This family are holding us together. Thank you, Aunt Dot and Uncle Glenn, for teaching your family to love and care…” Dot or Dorothy and Glenn are our parents. Karen’s post brought tears to our eyes.
Since Joan and I were traveling to Utah, Bob planned a session at Saratoga Springs for Hal and Dee’s sealing. As Joan and I knelt across the alter representing my aunt and uncle, the memories of Hal and Dee powerfully flooded my mind and heart. The spirit was tangible and we all knew there was special joy, even cheering among our ancestors that day in heaven.
The above story was a tender mercy in many ways after a painful Utah-local and world-impacting tragic event. We had traveled from Maui to San Diego on Monday, September 8 to visit family before going on to Utah for a couple of doctor’s appointments. While in California we had a joyful time with our daughter Bonnie, her wonderful husband David, and our grandson Dexter. They were so welcoming to us. We drove to Utah on September 10th. Mid-day, we and our whole family received a text from our daughter Melanie that started with, “Hey family, I just wanted to let you all know that I’m safe.” She then reported, “there was a shooting just barely at a public event on campus.” Melanie, as well as our grand-daughter, and a special friend of another grand-daughter are students at Utah Valley University (UVU) and were on campus at the time of the shooting. Melanie was locked down with other students in her building and reported what it was like among students who were getting immediate and graphic information via social media, even before information came to them from the school. Text messages of “shock, compassion, concern, and love” from family members poured back to Melanie on the text stream including status of other family and friends. The students were soon released to leave campus. We tuned in to news sources and the remaining drive through central Utah was heavy on our hearts. We eventually passed by UVU going toward our home where we were able to hug our daughter and get more details. Stating details of the event here is not my desire since the world is likely now tuned in to broadcasts of the latest. For me the days since that loss of life have been hard on my soul and I pray for peace, I pray for our world, I pray for people and leaders to turn to God and be wise and compassionate and to love one-another. We have since been able to hug and spend personal time with each family member who was on campus that day. We are grateful for their physical safety, and now we all work to recover from our emotional wounds.
As part of our therapy, Joan and I took a ride to our local and familiar mountains. We rode the Sundance Resort chair lifts to the top and breathed in Mount Timpanogos, the fresh air, life, beauty, memories, and each other’s company. We felt an extra measure of love for strangers that day we saw along the way. We felt a small tender measure of peace amidst the ashes of the week. We felt increased desire to love and care and be patient.
Back on Maui we are grateful for our friend and Senior Missionary, Elder Jeff Taylor who has substituted during our absence providing addiction recovery support meetings to our friends there. We know that mortality is challenging and that our good and loving Father in Heaven provided a Savior for us who has the power to redeem whatever needs to be redeemed. We know that as we believe in Him, and faithfully follow Him, we can be partakers of that sweet redemption and tender mercies. God bless you all.
Our hearts are broken when we hear of broken lives, and broken relationships. Addiction or other compulsive behaviors seems to break everything that is good. We are often asked to share some of our personal experience working in the addiction recovery program (ARP). Since participation is anonymous to encourage honesty and supportiveness, people introduce themselves by their first name only and we promise not to share what is shared at support meetings. But we can share our feelings, published materials and general experience. We invite you to listen with your heart as we try to express what has become deeply meaningful to us as service missionaries, and as children of God, brothers and sisters to all of God’s children.
Paraphrasing from program guidebooks, Healing through the Savior, 12-step Addiction Recovery Program of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is available to anyone who desires assistance in recovery from any addictive substance or compulsive behavior, or anyone desiring to seek change in their life. The meetings are held in a dedicated church meetinghouse and are structured, not an open forum to talk about problems. The program is based on the Alcoholics Anonymous 12-Step program, but has been adapted to the doctrines, principles, and beliefs of the Church. It is based on recovery through repentance and the power of Jesus Christ and His Atonement. The weekly meetings are conducted by senior missionaries throughout the world with the help of a facilitator who is a recovering addict. The first miracle we notice each week is within our own hearts. As each participant walks through the door we feel nothing but Christ-like love for them; all judgment and criticism is taken from our hearts. The next miracles happen as the meeting progresses and they feel love from one-another and from God. The first part of each meeting includes group reading about one of the twelve steps. The reading material has been prayerfully composed by persons who have experienced hope and progress in applying the respective principles of action and recovery. The last part of the meeting gives the participants the opportunity to share their experiences of challenge, faith and repentance, which often encourages others. Love, and the spirit of the Lord is very strong in these meetings as all learn about, apply, and have success using God’s grace.
At the end of the meeting, a senior missionary is invited to bear testimony of how the Atonement of Jesus Christ has blessed them personally. These are sacred moments where Sister Hardman or I have pondered the Lords personal and infinite Atonement, given us great hope, and the Spirit confirms truth to our souls which we then testify with all our hearts to the participants. Truly the healing power of Christ is enabled and the spirit of God is felt. All are invited to find a life of peace, freedom and even joy, encircled in the arms of God’s mercy. Jesus came with healing in His wings and is mighty to save. He lives to bless us with His love. In Addiction Recovery meetings all find hope, help and healing, even those whose hearts break for their loved-ones. In Healing through the Savior, we find Him.
Invitation – For those interested in more details, attached is my personal summary of the 12-steps along with a few relevant scriptures and expected actions. We are finding that these principles and step-by-step approach to repentance is applicable to all of us and all our repeating behaviors that we would like to resolve. I now think of it as a master-class in applying the Atonement of Jesus Christ in my own life. If you’d like to give it a try, think of a compulsive behavior that you have, a behavior that is controlling your life in unfavorable ways, then intentionally work through these steps to apply the principles and regain your agency and make more meaningful progress in Coming unto Christ and being perfected in him. For example, I would like to be less judgmental and more patient with myself and others. This divine process is working for me. As I sincerely and intentionally apply these steps to me, I am making progress. I have more hope for myself and for others. I am enjoying more joy in the Lord.
Healing through the Savior – The Addiction Recovery Program
12 Step Recovery Guide Summary of Key Principles, Action Steps, and Scriptures
1 – Admit that you, of yourself, are powerless to overcome your addictions and that your life has become unmanageable. (Honesty)
Let go of pride and seek humilityBe honest and talk to someoneAttend meetings
2 Nephi 4:18-21Enos 1:4Alma 32:13-16
2 – Come to believe that the power of God can restore you to complete spiritual health. (Hope)
Develop a correct understanding of God’s characterPray and study the scriptures.
Phil 4:13Mosiah 7:33, 4:9Helaman 3:29
3 – Decide to turn your will and your life over to the care of God, the Eternal Father and His Son, Jesus Christ. (Trust in God)
Decide to trust and obey GodReview and renew covenants with God
Luke 22:41-42Rev 3:202 Ne 10:24Mosiah 4:20
4 – Make a searching and fearless written moral inventory of yourself. (Truth)
Write an inventory with a sponsor’s help
Prov. 3:5James 2:17-182 Nephi 4:19
5 – Admit to yourself, to your Heavenly Father in the name of Jesus Christ, to proper priesthood authority, and to another person the exact nature of your wrongs. (Confession)
Share our inventories from step 4 with our sponsors and confess our sins to God and proper priesthood authorities as neededLet peace into our lives.
7 – Humbly ask Heavenly Father to remove your shortcomings. (Humility)
Ask God to do what we cannot do for ourselvesStudy the sacrament prayers
John 15:4-5, 10-11Mosiah 4:2-3, 5:7-9Moroni 4:3, 5:2
8 – Make a written list of all persons you have harmed and become willing to make restitution to them. (Seeking Forgiveness)
Write a list of people we might have offended or harmedForgivePray for charity.
Matt 18:21-22, 32-33Luke 6:37-381 John 4:18-19Moroni 7:47
9 – Wherever possible, make direct restitution to all persons you have harmed. (Restitution and Reconciliation)
Approach othersRecognize the blessings of recovery
Mosiah 27:35Alma 34-31-32, 39:12-13D&C 1:32
10 – Continue to take personal inventory, and when you are wrong promptly admit it. (Daily Accountability)
Spiritual preparation for each dayDaily repentance.
Luke 9:23Mosiah 4:30Alma 5:14-15, 7:23Moroni 6:8
11 – Seek through prayer and meditation to know the Lord’s will and to have the power to carry it out. (Personal Revelation)
Come unto Jesus Christ through prayer, fasting, and meditationMeditate in stillness and quiet
Romans 8:26Alma 7:233 Ne 20:1D&C 6:36, 42:61
12 – Having had a spiritual awakening through the Atonement of Jesus Christ as a result of taking these steps, share this message with others and practice these principles in all you do. (Service)
Serve othersParticipate in temple and family history work
Luke 22:32Romans 1:16Mosiah 2:17, 28:1-4Alma 5:14, 29:9-10Mormon 9:11, 16-19
Hardman Rev: Sep. 9, 2025 (Reference. Healing through the Savior, The Addiction Recovery Program, 12-Step Recovery Guide, 2024 Intellectual Reserve, Inc.)
(For more information about Healing through the Savior including videos and podcasts of recovery meetings see addictionrecovery.churchofjesuschrist.org)
In recent years before our service mission in Hawaii, Sister Hardman and I had developed the habit of attending the temple regularly, often weekly. Like many of you we were blessed to choose from several temples within a thirty-minute drive from our home in Utah. Serving ancestors and renewing our covenants does everything our prophets promise such service will do. We are deeply blessed. Sometimes in ways we hadn’t anticipated.
As mentioned in an earlier letter, the Saints on Maui do not yet have such convenience to temples. (The Kahului Hawaii Temple was announced nearly two years ago, but has not been started) The nearest operating temple is a thirty-minute flight and a sixty-minute drive, not to mention the normal travel and waiting times at airports and the cost. We admire and are strengthened by the faith of those who make this sacrifice. The next ‘ward temple trip’ is not for a month or so, so Sister Hardman and I made the trip to Oahu and the Hawaii Laie Temple this week. In addition to the words and spirit of the Endowment, we learned a beautiful lesson from two other patrons, a Polynesian couple. We were among the last to be seated and found ourselves in the back of the endowment room. The middle-aged brother next to me sensing I might have difficulty seeing and hearing (do I really look that old?) offered to move so that I could have a seat with better visibility. His expression was so sincere and genuine that I could hardly resist, but perhaps my pride got in the way and I politely thanked him and declined. “I’ll be okay,” I whispered. “Thank you… Mahalo.”
The word demeanor came to mind and during the session I thought about the demeanor of special people I have met in and out of the church, and in and out of the temple. Early in the session this brother moved to another seat that would allow me to scoot over a little to see the presentation better. Later in the celestial room while pondering the endowment and amazing blessings promised by Heavenly Father, we again observed this couple as they prayed together standing in a corner, and then as they kindly hugged the first-time patrons tearfully sitting on a white sofa in front of us. I don’t think they knew these fellow patrons but the aloha and love expressed in their unrushed hugs and in their eyes reflected in every way what I imagine to be a celestial demeanor. I reached for some scriptures which are always available around the temple and opened to Doctrine and Covenants 121 and reviewed the behavioral qualities of ‘righteous’ and ‘chosen’ people. “Persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned; By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile…an increase of love…full of charity towards all men…” (D&C 121:42-45) “Thank you,” I thought, “Brother and Sister (whoever you are). I want to be more like you.”
Before returning to Maui I had always wanted to visit the BYU Hawaii campus so we drove around, asked some students where we might park and find the cafeteria, then soon found ourselves in a sea of new freshmen enjoying their meal at the fine buffet. We were surprised to run into two of our ward Sunday School girls who were there to start their first semester. While eating we also visited with two other service missionary couples who were serving. We walked around campus a little more, visited the science building, then drove around the north shore and back through the central valley to Honolulu. On the flight back we had a wonderful conversation with Tony, a gentleman on his way home to Atlanta by way of Maui and Las Vegas. There are always opportunities to lift. We hope our love and demeanor blessed him that day.
On Monday we completed our twelfth in-person session of Healing through the Savior – 12 Step Addiction Recovery Program. Recovery and sobriety is a life-long process so we will start the twelve steps over again next week. On Sunday we had spoken for the first time in one of the local wards and on Monday three new participants from that ward came to our support meeting. As usual there is a feeling of joy deep in our hearts as each person shows the faith and humility to come to the Savior and receive His love and power. Our group this week was a little larger than usual. Our hearts ache for the pain and challenge they experience, but at the same time our souls are anxious for the progress we hope they make in overcoming their addictions and moving toward making and keeping covenants with God including temple covenants. Following this week’s meeting Sister Hardman presented her freshly baked Excellent Cinnamon Rolls. After most of our guests left, one sister asked for a priesthood blessing. Elder Taylor and I visited with her and administered and she was blessed and invited to see her future self as the Savior sees her and to expect miracles in her life, including her vision to someday serve in the temple.
Sister Hardman and I invite all of you to pray for us and for the people we service. Pray that each will find grace and power in Christ and make progress in their recovery. Pray that the announced temple will complete it’s planning stages, begin construction, and give the Saints in Maui hope for God’s blessings to come even more close to them than ever before. And pray for each other, even those who ‘appear to be a little older,’ that we may all join in this great work as Senior Missionaries or Senior Service Missionaries for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The work blesses Sister Hardman and me, our relationship and our family, every day.
“He walked on the water; even if but for a moment.” We spoke these words at our addiction recovery support group last night as we studied together, Healing through the Savior, Step 11. Each of our guests had just shared some hopes, setbacks, and successes regarding their addictions. At the end we bore our testimony that Jesus knows and understands through his Atonement (Alma 7:11-13). “Jesus honors efforts of faith;” I said, “even if we stumble.” Or in the case of Peter, a miracle happened as he walked on the water; even if but for moment.” A few days before, Joan and I studied Step 11, “Seek through prayer and meditation to know the Lord’s will and to have the power to carry it out.” After study we visited Maui’s sacred Iao Valley and ascended to the Iao Needle viewpoint. Desiring to improve my meditation habits I asked Joan, “What is your favoring New Testament scene?” She replied, “Jesus walking on the water.” I tapped my phone and opened to Mathew 14 and we quietly read the story. “The ship was now in the midst of the sea, tossed with the waves: for the wind was contrary…Jesus went unto them, walking on the sea… [the disciples saw him and] were troubled…Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water (an amazing verbal act of faith by a fisherman). And he said, Come. And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water…” Growing up I usually focused on Peter being “afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me.” But for sure, he walked on the water; even if but for a moment. Jesus clearly did not give up on Peter; both of them were well aware of the dangers of the sea, but Jesus honored his effort and momentary success, “And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him…” At Iao, we walked down the many steps to the river where we walked on; no, we waded out into the water, sat on a large boulder, reflected and enjoyed each other’s company. To our friends last night in addiction recovery we testified of our Lords honoring of our attempts at faith and will save us when we fall. In my soul I learned more about the power of meditation on the word of God, a sacred experience.
On Sunday, under bright morning stars we boarded the Cessna 208 then flew northwest over the ocean along the world’s highest sea cliffs above the Moloka’i north coast. As the sun rose behind us we began our descent over the historic Kalaupapa peninsula and landed on the plateau at Ho’olehua airport. Bishop Bush greeted us with enthusiastic aloha and took us to the two-ward meetinghouse on the south shore in Kaunakakai. We were there to speak in both sacrament meetings and to provide information about the addiction recovery program. During a ward council meeting I got nervous because everyone seemed soft spoken and I couldn’t hear anything (my ears had not adjusted from the flight). I focused on lips, I leaned forward to hear better, I leaned backwards to capture sound bouncing off the white painted cinderblock wall, I yawned and poked at my jaw and ears; nothing worked. “How will I know if he calls on me to speak?” I prayed for my hearing to be restored. An hour and a half into the meeting I could hear well enough to understand what everyone was saying and sure enough was invited to share our message. We encouraged all ward leaders to counsel with and invite members who could benefit by the addiction recovery program. We left manuals and bulletin board posters with information.
It was a spiritual delight to attend both ward sacrament meetings where we sat on the stand, looked into the eyes of beautiful saints, partook of the sacrament and worshiped, sang to them, “My Shepherd Will Supply My Need,” (LDS Hymn 1014), gave our talks, and felt a great spirit of love. We spoke of our own parents and their advocacy for us while growing up and then testified of Jesus Christ as our advocate with the Father. President Kaaa of the stake presidency followed with his testimony and encouragement for the addiction recovery program. Between and after meetings we attended Priesthood or Relief Society meeting, met many members in the foyer, some of which shared their success stories of the Savior helping them heal and are now whole and serving in the church. It was inspiring. “It is real! It is real,” expressed one of the members. Others expressed the need, either for themselves or someone they love to receive the Saviors healing. We also met with the senior missionary couple who are our counterparts on Molokai. One good brother who had experienced significant repeated healing from addiction presented us with special Leis which we wore throughout the day. After our meetings this brother took us on a small tour of the local town and then up to the Kalaupapa Overlook at 2000 feet elevation so we could see and read the posted plaques about the former leper colony down below. It was very windy on the cliff but we felt of the sacredness of the special place below. (Read a brief Wikipedia summary of early Maui church member Jonathan Napela who lived, served, and died at Kalaupapa).
On our way to the airport our guide and new friend stopped to minister to a member of the Ward. Like many homesteads on Molokai, they are old and difficult to maintain. It’s clear that on Molokai there is very limited prosperity and water. We visited this good sister who was lonely but faithful. We heard some of her story then asked if she had a favorite hymn. “I am a Child of God,” she replied. So, before we left, with a picture of the Savior and the Laie Temple behind her on the wall we all sang the first verse together. We prayed, hugged, and left with a longing and loving spirit. It was a sweet experience. We made it to the airport just in time to board and make the beautiful flight back to Maui along the same route we came that morning.
AncestorClips 